Myself and Derogatives
(aka, wheeee, more thing I can organize!)
[Beginning note: I’m not sure if this needs saying, but just in case it does: In this post, I will be talking about derogatives and insults as used in fictional stories and consensual scenes. This should in no way be equated to verbally abusing non-consenting real people, which is completely wrong and unacceptable.]
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about various parts of this topic for a while, and was recently reminded of it. So, here are the categories of derogatives I’ve identified (if anyone can think of other ones, I’d love their input), and how I feel about them both actionably and narratively. (Note: ‘Actionably’ here always applies to a roleplay scene in which I play a character who is the one the insults are targeting. I am not interested in derogatives as applied to my real self).
Body/Appearance: (Examples: fat, ugly)
- Actionably: Hard limit. I spend, and have spent, quite enough time in a world full of these messages. I am grateful as anything that my body is one area where I don’t have intrusive anxiety. Everything related to this can stay the hell out of my bedroom.
- Narratively: Never done, have no interest. Never even occurred to me, to the point that this is the category of derogatives that I only recently thought of as such. As a general rule, outside of some kind of devotional power dynamics, my power dynamic characters don’t comment on each other’s appearance at all. No draw for me at all.
Sexual: (Examples: slut, whore, fucktoy, cumdolly)
- Actionably: Not my thing. It’s an interesting one in that my reaction to these isn’t so much positive or negative as it is “…?”. I think this is because of my background – I spent most of my adolescence knowing and seeing my peers’ interest in things sexual, with my lack therof being a major thing contributing to my ‘I am alien and don’t belong’ feelings. Since finding out my orientation exists (this is one of the ‘most important events in my life’ to me, incidentally), I’ve been able to think about this area of things, and my feelings about it, in much greater nuance and detail. But, I continue to experience no feelings I feel are sexual, I never think of my body as sexual, etc. So, to me, these insults basically just have a very serious feeling of not fitting. Possible analogy would be someone telling me they hate me because I’m French (I’m not, at all). The mental reaction isn’t any kind of upsetness (or pride) – it’s basically ‘um, what are you talking about?’
- Narratively: Also not my thing. Sexualness being uninteresting to me, I don’t really tend to put it in stories much (including the ones where I do put sex). I run across some amount of these in reading – they don’t bother me, but don’t tend to interest me either. I do have a character where I think some other characters might call her a whore, but thinking about it, the way it would be used, this would be a worth insult (see below), not a sexual one.
Intelligence and other capability: (Examples: stupid, fool, can’t get anything right)
- Narratively: [note: notice that these two are in a different order for this category]. I don’t generally have these used as general insults on their own. However, I do often have them used as specific insults – in other words, not ‘you are stupid’, but ‘doing thing X was really stupid of you!’ – and combined with other (generally worth, (see below)) types of insults – ‘stupid thing!’, ‘you’re worthless and you can’t get anything right!’.
- Actionably: I need more data and/or thoughts on this one. At the moment, I would say that it’s not really my thing, for somewhat similar emotional reasons as the body/appearance, in that I have negative emotional associations. I also know (this is a fairly recent realization) that I don’t want to repeat these about myself. But I don’t seem to mind them being used here and there. I had a segment of a scene focused around one of these (‘fool’, specifically’) that I enjoyed very much. And, the same distinction as in the narrative section applies – ‘that was/would be really stupid of you’ appeals to me in a way that ‘you’re stupid’ does not, as do these insults when combined with worth (see below) insults.
Worth: (useless, worthless, waste of space, trash, filth, scum)
- Actionably: Yes, please! (In case anyone was reading this post going ‘well, is there anything you do like?’, well, yes, this!). These, I like. I like them being used at me, I get kink-satisfaction out of having to repeat them, etc. As noted above, they also allow for the use of ‘stupid’ type insults, when mixed in with them.
- Narratively: Likewise. These are the insults that tend to show up in my stories. I also have a habit of making made-up-language insults of this type, and putting those in my stories too. Again, they also allow for mixing in ‘stupid’ type insults.